What is a Friend?

The definition of the word friend varies widely from person to person. Many would define a friend as someone whom you enjoy to spend time with, someone you love (or at least like a lot), and someone who is nice to you. Some say a friend is a person who would stand up for you in a tough situation, maybe if you were being bullied. For nearly everybody, a friend is a good thing: someone you want to have in your life. 

But how does God define a friend?

What does the Bible have to say about friendship, being a friend, and having a friend? 

As it turns out, God, the Creator of relationships (including friendship), has quite a lot to say in His Word about friends. He describes clearly the kind of friend you should be as well as the kind of friends you should have. 

Today we're going to take a look at three verses that help us define what friend means. In defining a true friend, these verse reveal what we should do if we want to be a good friend. They also teach us how to know when we have a good friend. God's definition of a friend is the best definition, so we should listen to what He says about friendship in the Bible if we really want to know what a friend is. 

~Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.~ 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a

According to this verse, a friend is someone who helps the other up when she falls. There are different ways a person can fall. Someone can slip by giving into temptation. A person can fall into bad times, maybe by a parent losing a job, a breakup with a boyfriend, or parents going through a divorce. Another way to fall is by entering bad company and maybe getting involved with alcohol, drugs, or crime. In all the ways in which a girl could slip, a true friend will be there to help her up again. A friend could help lift another by gently speaking the truth, by encouraging, by staying a constant companion during tough times, and (of course) by praying. Sometimes certain situations call for specific actions, though. For example, if a girl started partying and getting into trouble, it would be unwise for her friend to start doing the same in an attempt to help her up. The best thing to do in such tricky situations is to talk things through with a parent and follow instructions from adults. Even in those situations, though, a girl can always pray for the other, and in doing that she can remain a constant friend such as the one this verse describes. 

~A friend loves at all times, 

and a brother is born for adversity.~

Proverbs 17:17

This verse is a very popular one when talking about a Biblical definition of friendship, and for good reason. It clearly describes just what a friend should do: love. And not just love some of the time, but love at ALL times. This, as most people know, is very difficult to do. Loving is rarely easy; it involves a conscious effort on the part of the one loving. And loving at all times stretches this challenge even further. Yet this is the life God has called us to: a life of loving each other. Even during those though times, those challenging moments, and those trials God wants friends to love each other. A true friend loves at all times. 

~Wounds from a friend can be trusted, 

but an enemy multiplies kisses.~

Proverbs 27:6

According to this verse, friends are honest with each other. Enemies lie and deceptively flatter each other, but you can trust the honest criticism of a friend. Now this does NOT mean you constantly criticize and wound your friends by pointing out every tiny flaw you see in them. Friends are supposed to build each other up, too. It also does NOT mean that you should surround yourself with people who constantly criticize you. Such a person is not really a true friend. What this verse IS saying is that if a friend gently speaks the truth to you in love about something you're doing that's wrong or sinful, you should listen. And if you see one of your friends disobeying God, it is good for you (as a friend) to talk about it with her gently and with love. (Key words: gently and with love. Not harshly, rudely, or I'm-better-than-you-ly.) A true friend is honest because she loves the other person, and such honesty from a friend can be trusted. 

These three Bible passages help us define a true friend.

Are you acting as a true friend in the way these verse describe, or are you pulling others down instead of helping them up? 

Are the people you call your friends helping you up, loving you, and being honest (with love) towards you? Or are you surrounding yourself with people who hurt you?

Maybe it's time for you to truly evaluate your relationships and really start surrendering this area of life to God. He wants all of your heart, including the part devoted to friendship. Are you surrendering your relationships to Him and truly trying to honor Him in all you do? If you have to honestly answer no to that question (as I often do), it's time to pray. Tell God that you choose to give Him your relationships and friendships. And continue to study all the Bible has to say about friends. God knows best for every area of your life, even relationships. Let His Word be your guide!

                       Elena♥